I know that I am happily married, I wouldn’t have married anyone else ever. But I just don’t feel like I can ever love someone like imagined. The inability to love someone the way I wanted, doesn’t come from the fact that I have had my heart broken once, but it also has to do with the type of spouse I am married to. I married my life partner, I didn’t marry a soulmate. These two are different things. In my eyes, not one is less than the other. I am not a selfish person. But I believe that I want to seek something higher and farther than this world which isn’t available in the human form. Unfortunately, my world is too small to have a soulmate (in any form whether as a friend or a coworker or boss). Yet, it’s quite ironic that I seek something larger than this world when my own little world hasn’t expanded much over my entire life. I have been greatly sheltered by my parents. Thankfully, Allah SWT gave me the innate ability to distinguish between right and wrong. A lot of the people I know aren’t sheltered, but they live a life where they have absrobed everything from the world around them, unable to gain uniqueness and live their own exemplary life. They are the same people who remain quiet when racism is being practised upon someone, the same people who think it’s cool to put others down because that is enough to be part of a clique. They are completely blinded by being a part of different gangs who like to rule the weak. These people follow into the footsteps of others rather than make their own path.
Having said that, I love my husband without any doubts. I am just in search of something beyond this universe which I haven’t found in any human being.